


Steve Rogers x Reader Oneshots

by buckthegrump



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-03-01 22:44:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckthegrump/pseuds/buckthegrump
Summary: A collection of Steve Rogers oneshots





	1. You Missed It

It was another one of Tony Stark’s famous parties. It was for some charity event or another, Steve had stopped paying attention to what exactly these were for. All he knew and needed to know was that he needed to show up and dress nice. Tonight was no different everyone had showed up dressed in their best. And you outshone everyone there, Steve had never seen you look so beautiful. Maybe it was the energy that you were giving off, or maybe it was simply because he was in love with you and you always looked beautiful to him.

You threw your head back in laughter and Steve did everything he could not to stare. But he was. Sam was standing there teasing him with the help of Natasha. He wasn’t really paying attention though. His focus was on you, he wondered what Bucky had said to make you laugh so hard. He was trying not to be jealous, he knew that you and Bucky were close but he longed to be the one that was making you laugh this hard.

You looked over and made eye contact with him and you smiled at him. He gave you a wave and you nodded and looked back at Bucky. You missed it. You miss the way he was over analyzing that one look. How he, for a second, a very brief second had the thought that maybe you liked him too but he quickly pushed that aside making himself believe that you were just being friendly.

You missed how at one point it became too much for the super soldier and he left the main room making his way up to the kitchen. He would go back down eventually but he just needed moment to not be reminded. To not have a reminder that he didn’t have a close relationship with you, not in the way Natasha did when you stayed up late at night to talk. Or like you did with Sam who you always made fun of people with, especially the Parker kid. Or with the Parker kid who came to you for advice because you were the only who would actually give him good advice. Or with Bucky whom you immediately got along with, because you wormed your way into his life. Or Tony and your many prank wars.

No, he would always long to joke with you but he never knew how. He never could figure out what it was to make you laugh, or how to comfort you when you were crying. He longed to be the butt of your jokes, because at least he was part of the reason for your smile. 

But he wouldn’t stop trying, even if you two were supposed to just be friends. Because at least then he would have a reason to talk to you without actually needing a reason. He would know how to make you laugh and be able to protect you from things you could protect yourself from.

After a minute he walked back down to the party. He went back to the party and endured Sam and Natasha’s teasing and even laughed with them at times. Every once in awhile you two would make eye contact and smile at each other. He would look back to his friends and missed it.

He would miss the way you were longing for the same thing. He would miss how your stare lingered when he walked away from you in the hallway. He would miss the way you laughed at his stupid jokes when no one else did. He missed it, every time he looked away he missed the love that was very clearly written on your face. He missed how all you wanted was to be with him, in anyway you could.


	2. Demons

You sat next to Steve on the couch, he wasn’t saying anything and you couldn’t read his expression.

“Steve,” you places a hand on his knee. Usually he would place his hands on yours but today right now he was unresponsive. He sat there doing nothing. “Steve. Please talk to me.”

He didn’t say anything as he looked over to you, there were tears in his eyes. They weren’t falling and something told you that they wouldn’t but they were there.

He had nightmares, no one knew about them because unlike Bucky he didn’t wake himself up screaming. On nights when Steve had a nightmare he would wander the compound. Bucky kept an eye on him when he did this, contrary to what you had thought Bucky was a light sleeper when he wasn’t having a nightmare, so when Steve left his room Bucky could hear him.

You only found this out because one night you couldn’t sleep and walked out of your room to find Steve walking around. Bucky was silently walking behind him and you walked with them for a while, when Steve returned to his room Bucky told you what was happening.

At first you were hurt that Steve had kept this from you but you knew why he did.

So this morning when he woke up and was in a daze you knew that he had, had a truly harrowing nightmare that night. You gave him his space for most of the day but you could only spend so much time watching him like this.

You silently grab his hand and lead him to the car. Without being told he slides into the passenger side and you take the driver’s seat. You turned on the radio and let the music fill the car.

You kept glancing over at Steve who was just looking out the window.

You wanted to help him, you desperately wanted to help him, to get him to talk to you or anyone for that matter. You just wanted him to feel better.

You pulled a car into a drive through and order arguably too much food, then you drove to the top of a hill and sat on the hood of the car. You sat there staring at the stars waiting, Steve would come out in his own time.

After about 20 minutes he joins you.

“I don’t have much food left.” You hand over the remaining food not expecting him to answer.

“It’s fine,” his voice is hoarse like he hadn’t spoken all day. “You looked hungry.”

“Steve, I know you haven’t eaten all day.” You’re voice was softer than it was earlier.

“I’ll be fine (Y/N), you know this.”

“Do I?” You put your bag of fries down. “Because you aren’t giving me anything. Nothing Steve, I don’t know what to think. I feel like I’m losing you. And I feel useless, I feel like there’s nothing I can do to help.” You slide off the car.

“(Y/N)-”

“That’s not even the worst part.”

“What’s the worst part?” He follows suit.

“The worst part is you’re going through a tough time and now you are trying to comfort me, we have somehow found a way to make this about me. I understand that everyone has their demons and that they all hide in different places. But mine hide on my sleeve and yours hide in a place you won’t let me into.”

“If I showed them to you, you would run.” The tears he had in his eyes earlier make another appearance only this time they’re running down his face. “I don’t want you to run because what happens when you do? If you do I wouldn’t make it, sure I would live but who would be there to show me the way back home? You’re eyes they shine so bright I want to save that light.”

“What makes you think I would run?” You search his face for an answer but don’t find one. “I have run yet, if I didn’t think I could handle it I wouldn’t offer.”

“I’m scared.” He says this so low you almost missed it. “You scare me.”

“I scare you?”

“The power you hold over me scares me.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” He nods. You close the gap between you and pull him into an embrace that could’ve last forever.

“You scare me too.” You breath into his ear. “I’m scared that one day, you’ll make the decision for me that you’re too much for me to handle. But you’re not, I can take it. I am a lot stronger than I look.”

“I know you are.”

“Good.”

He pulls back slightly so you’re face to face. “I love you.”

You kiss his forehead and whisper, “I love you too.


	3. Whispers in the Night

The first time it happened was 1am the week before finals.

“Hey,” you heard a voice whisper. You turned to see who was talking, it was the blonde guy from your history class. “Do you understand the assignment?”

“What assignment?” You whisper back very afraid that you missed one. You had just spent about 5 hours in the library working on an essay for history and it was kicking your ass. “How many assignments did we have?”

“Just the one,” he starts gathering his stuff and sits down at the same table as you. “But I really don’t understand it.”

“What was your name again?” You fake not knowing just so he doesn’t think you’re a creep.

“Steve, and you’re Y/N, right?”

“Yeah,” you were surprised to say the least. You had no idea that anyone paid enough attention to you to know your name, specifically in class.

“Ok so the essay is supposed to be how long?”

“7-8 pages. Why how many do you have?”

“I don’t even have a full page yet. Please tell me it needs to be double spaced.” He rests his head in his hand. “How many do you have?”

“5, but I can make that seven easy.”

“How?” He looks at you wide eyed.

“Here, first let’s get you to 5 pages. It will feel more rewarding after that.”

You spent the rest of the night whispering back and forth trying to finish up your papers. At the end of the night you exchanged numbers and he promised to call you.

You didn’t know this but that night changed your life.

The second time it happened was a month later. The two of you had been texting back and forth, and here you were in a 24 hour coffee shop losing track of time as you binge watch Chuck. You watched it here because after 10 the wifi here was faster than your own apartment.

You were so immersed in the show you didn’t notice Steve sneak up next to you.

“Hey there,” he whispered in your ear and you jumped away and got ready to fight. “Woah calm down there, it’s just me.” He said at normal volume

“You scared the shit outta me.” You whisper.

“Why are you whispering?” He matched your tone and sat down.

You clear your throat and stop whispering. “Sorry you just scared me.”

“So I heard.” He glances at your laptop screen. “What are you watching?”

“One of the greatest TV shows about spies that exists.” You offer him a headphone. “You wanna watch it?”

He quietly takes the headphone and puts it in his ear. You turn the screen slightly and press play. Every once in awhile you looked at Steve to see his reaction, you always got anxious when you showed people things you liked. You were afraid that he would make fun of you and your choice of entertainment.

But he didn’t, he looked like he was enjoying himself. He laughed at the jokes and after the episode he looked at you.

“Did you like it?” You whispered.

“You’re whispering again.” He pointed out.

“Sorry, did you like it?”

“Yes, I did. Is it on netflix?” He asks and you nod. “Ok well I’m going to go home and watch it and text you the entire time.”

“Ok sounds good.” You say as he gets up from the chair, he stops before he walks away.

“Why are you watching it here? Ya know instead of in your home.”

“The wifi is faster here.” You shrug.

“Alright well I’ll see you later.” He smiles and backs away, he’s trying to look cool but he trips over a few chairs. You laugh as he puts them back and waves at the barista and back to you before making a smooth exit.

The third time it happens it’s 10pm and the two of you had been dating for about a month now.

The two of you were walking down the street and you stop abruptly. He stops a few steps in front of you and turns to you.

“Y/N are you alright?” He looks a little concerned.

You look up from the sidewalk right into his eyes and whisper “I love you.”

He didn’t say anything as he walked back to you. Those two seconds felt like a million years, what if he hadn’t heard you? What if he had and didn’t feel the same? What if he thought it was too early? The two of you had known each other for a year now. What if he was about to laugh at you?

He leaned down so his lips were right next to your ear, his breath tickled as he said soft and low, “I love you too.”

The time you remember most happened after three years of dating.

You were standing on the bow of a boat, the sea was calm so you felt ok being there. The sun was setting, you felt two arms wrap around your waist.

“Hey there stranger,” Steve whispered in your ear.

“Hi.” You smile still watching the horizon.

“I have a question for you,” one of his arms lets go of you and reappears with a little black box in front of you. For a moment you forget how to breathe. “Marry me?”

You turn around to face him and kiss him without a word.

“Is that a yes?” His lips still on yours.

“Yes of course.”

“Good, because it would have been very awkward if you had said no.” He places the ring on your finger and kisses you again.

After that you lost count of how many times it happened or what exactly was said. It became your thing, sometimes you would stay up late and whisper to each other until the sun came up, or you would whisper to the other while they were sleeping.

But you do remember the last time, it’s the one time you wish you could forget.

“I don’t know why you keep bring this up Steve!” You yell at him.

The two of you were fighting, you fought a lot these days. You don’t remember what had started this fight but it had spiraled into something stupid.

“I bring it up because you won’t talk to me about it! I want to be there for you.” Steve pleaded. He wasn’t yelling but he wasn’t exactly calm either.

The wedding was in three weeks and you were hoping that the stress of planning was what was making this so rough.

“Steve I don’t need you to be there for me, not with this.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Oh my god.” You roll your eyes.

“No seriously, do you trust me because it doesn’t seem like it.” He makes his way over to you.

“Of course I trust you. I trusted you when you said that Maggie was just a friend.”

“That’s because she is!” Steve was getting very obviously frustrated.

The fight continued for the rest of the night. It was well past two when the two of you were sitting on the couch looking at the floor avoiding eye contact.

You finally look over at him and he’s still staring at the ground. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, it was stupid and I shouldn’t have.” You whisper because your throat hurts from yelling.

“Y/N, I don’t know where to go from here.” You almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

He leans over to give you a kiss on the cheek and whispers, “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”

He gets up and walks away.

That was 2 months ago and you haven’t seen or heard from him since.


	4. Fallin' For You

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice cuts through the night air.

“Yeah?” You respond.

“Do you think we’ll be friends even after high school?”

“Yeah I do.”

The two of you were lying on a blanket in the field in his backyard looking at the night sky.

You had three more weeks left of high school and even though the two of you were going to the same college, Steve was still afraid that you would find a better friend, and you were afraid he would run off with some other girl and leave you in the dust.

Neither of you voiced your concerns, you just let them eat at your insides until you were two walking balls of anxiety.

“Steve?” You ask after a minute of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll ever be anyone’s first choice?” You had been crushing on this guy Austin since middle school. And since the beginning of the year he had been stringing you along, only for you to realize he was using you to get to his ex and get back together with her.

“I think that you already are.” Steve said in an almost whisper.

“I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better Steve.” You turn your head towards him. He looked beautiful in the moonlight. “But thank you.”

He looked at you and smiled. He wasn’t saying that just to make you feel better, but he was glad it helped. That was the closest he’s ever gotten to telling you about his feelings for you. He realized he had them in middle school around the same time you started your infatuation with Austin. So now all he had to do was work up the courage to actually tell you so you would understand, which would be harder than one might think.

You and Steve weren’t aware of this but both of your moms were standing at a window on the second floor looking down at the two of you.

“I wish my daughter would realize her feelings for Steve.” Your mother, Anya said.

“I wish my son would get some courage and tell (Y/N) how he feels.” Sarah sighs.

“I thought we raised them better than this.” Anya shook her head.

“Well, this is backfire for all the years we made plans for the wedding we knew might not happen.” Sarah laughed.

“I think Steve will tell her.”

“Not before (Y/N) figures out that what she’s looking for is right in front of her.” Sarah counters.

“Wanna bet?” Anya crosses her arms across her chest.

“Ok,” Sarah agress. “Wait, is it bad to bet on our children?”

“I think that as long as we don’t bet money we’ll be ok.” Your mother brushes off Sarah’s fears. “So I’m betting that Steve will tell her before she realizes her feelings.”

“And I’m betting that she will realize it before he tells her.” Sarah counters.

“I also don’t expect this to happen until after college.”

“It will happen during.” Sarah rolls her eyes. “Winner get’s to help Steve pick out the ring when he proposes.”

“And loser has to wear whatever winner chooses for the rehearsal dinner.” Anya has an evil smile on her face. “And if nothing happens until they are 30 or they end up with other people this bet is void and we never speak of it again.”

“Agreed.”

/

“Steve!” You let yourself into his apartment.

“One minute.” He calls and you assume he’s in the bathroom.

The two of you were going back home for the holidays together. You were supposed to leave two hours ago but your boss was being a major dick and kept you late.

“You’ve had two hours to get ready. What is taking so long?” You start going through his fridge out of habit.

“Excuse me for needing to use the bathroom.” He says walking into the kitchen. “What are you doing let’s go.”

“Fine do you have your stuff?” You ask.

“What do you mean we’re taking my car.” He grabs his keys.

“Um I think the fuck not. My car is newer and gets better gas milage. Also has more space.”

“But-”

“Steve we are taking my car.”

“Fine, let’s go get my stuff.” He gives in and walks down to his car to grab his stuff and put it in your car.

It’s another half an hour before you actually make it on the road. And then you fight for the first hour of the 6 hour drive about what music to listen to.

“Steve you know the rule, in my car driver picks the music.”

“(Y/N) you know damn well that you will not let me drive your car, so please for just an hour let me pick the music.” He begs.

“Fine,” you say and he throws his fists into the air. “You can pick the music for one hour.”

So for an hour you listen to Steve’s music choice, you actually didn’t mind his choices in music at all but you found joy in arguing with him about dumb things like this.

“Holy shit.” Steve said looking at his phone. “Did you know Austin was getting married?”

“To whom?” You had gotten over Austin a long time ago, but whenever someone got married from high school it always gave you a weird feeling.

“Someone named Dot.” He looked at you.

“Steve I’m fine it was years ago. When is the wedding?”

“Tomorrow night. You think that’s what our parents are dragging us to?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them. As long as there is dancing and booze I’m ok with going.” You shrug.

“Of course you are.” He laughs.

The rest of the ride consists of jamming out to whatever song was playing.

/

“OUR BABIES ARE HOME!” You mom slams open the door and runs out to the car to greet you when you arrive.

“Mom I just saw you a few months ago.” You say into her shoulder wrapping an arm around her half accepting her hug.

“I know.” She still hasn’t let go. “Give me a real hug or I’m not letting go.”

You comply and can hear Steve laughing from the other side of the car. When you finally let go you are attacked by another person who just happens to be Sarah.

“What the hell mom?” Steve acts hurt. “You go to (Y/N) before me?”

“Yes, (Y/N) actually texts and calls me.” She says not letting go of you.

“I do too call you!” Steve argues.

“Not as much as her,” Sarah finally lets go and you smile at Steve who is looking over your mother’s shoulder at you.

“I told you they loved me best.” You smirk and he sticks his tongue out at you.

“Ok so I hope you two brought something nice for the wedding tomorrow.” Your mother says and you and Steve share a look. “I take it you didn’t so we will go shopping!”

That’s what you did, the four of you went shopping and it was hell. Steve looked good in everything that he tried in. And everything that you showed him he smiled and said something like “oh it looks great” or “wow (Y/N) you look amazing” it was infuriating. Especially because you were slowly noticing how attractive he was.

The next day you were at the wedding reception, you watch Austin dance with his wife and you felt odd. Not that you still had feelings for him but this was weird to think that someone you had a crush on in high school was already married and you weren’t even dating anyone.

“Would you like to dance?” Steve stands offering you his hand. You smile and take it.

The two of you are dancing to a song that you didn’t know. You danced for what seemed like hours. You realized that at some point Steve became the only thing that you were paying attention to. In fact he was the only thing that you were sure of. He was the one who had been there with you for your whole life. Every up and down, every sick day, every heart break.

How have I not seen this before? You thought to yourself. I think I’m falling for you.

“What?” Steve asked.

“Nothing.” You hadn’t realized you said it out loud.

“No, (Y/N) what did you say?” He pressed with a smile on his face.

“Nothing,” you insisted.

“Really because it sounded like you said ‘I think I’m falling for you.’ Which would be great since I’ve been in love with you since the 7th grade.” He places his hand on your cheek.

“You have?”

“Of course, but I wasn’t going to say anything if you didn’t want me that way. But now I know you that you think you feel the same way and I’ll take it.” He says.

“So what does that mean?”

“It means I’m gonna do this,” he leans in and kisses you, when he pulls away he doesn’t look anywhere but you. “So?”

“I’d be ok with doing that again.” You shrug.

Back at the table your mothers are talking.

“So it happened after college.” Your mother pointed out.

“And it kind of happened at the same time.” Sarah said. “So should we just pretend the bet never happened?”

“Yeah let’s go with that.” Your mom said.


	5. What Have We Become?

Falling in love with Steve was easy, he made it easy. Falling for Steve felt more like driving to down an empty road surrounded by trees, sunlight peaking through, the windows down, and the music blasting. It felt like waking up an hour before your alarm goes off in the morning and realizing you get to sleep more, or when you wear glasses for the first time and you can see the world around you so clearly. You could pin falling for him in three different moments.

Number 1 when he brought you flowers.

You were at work stressing out because something that was supposed to be done a week ago by one of your coworkers hadn’t been done. So now it was up to you (again) to fix it and hopefully save this project from being trashed.

“(Y/N),” you looked up to your office door to see Steve, you had only been dating a month or so but you were really into him.

“Hi!” You beam standing and walking over to him.

“I brought you these.” He smiles pulling out a bouquet of flowers.

“Oh my god, Steve!” You blush, no one had ever brought you flowers for no reason. “Oh my god, what’s the occasion?”

“None I just thought you could do with some flowers.” He kissed your cheek.

“Well thank you.”

“Since I’m here do you just want to get some lunch?” He offers you his arm.

“Yes I’m starving.” You accept his arm and walk off with him.

Number 2 was when you showed him your favorite movie.

You were sitting on the couch at your place, it was movie night and you were going to show Steve your favorite movie. When he mentioned he had never seen it before you were appalled.

It was a comedy so you sat kind of watching the movie, but mostly you were watching Steve and his reactions. You were afraid that he wouldn’t like it.

You were afraid of this because you watched this movie a lot. You watched it when you were sick, you watched it when you were sad. You watched after a day of work that stressed you beyond belief. And if Steve didn’t like it then he would get annoyed by how much you watched it.

But he didn’t, he loved it. He laughed at the same places you laughed and at some points he laughed so much he almost cried.

So it became a thing, whenever one of you was sick you’d watch the movie. Sometimes you would try and switch it up and watch a different movie but you somehow always came back to that one.

Number 3 was on a random Sunday morning.

You were laying in bed facing away from Steve but you could feel his arm wrapped around you. You shifted slightly and his hold tightened just the tiniest bit. You rolled over to look at him and you realized that something was different. He looked different.

It was like you were seeing him for the first time all over again. It took you a moment to realize what it was.

But when you did you smiled kissed his nose and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” his voice was raspy because you were sure he wasn’t quite awake yet.

You knew that he didn’t remember that instance because later that day he would tell you that he loved you again nervously as if he hadn’t already said it. But you were ok with that because to you it felt like a dream and you didn’t want to ruin him thinking he had said it first. So you kept it to yourself for now, maybe some day when you were old and sitting on your porch you would tell him.

Because you planned on being with him for a very long time because he made you feel like you were sitting on the beach with the sun beating down on you at just the right temperature.

This didn’t feel like that, it felt like you had been deserted in the middle of the ocean. Like you were left there with no life jacket and you were losing the strength to keep your head above water.

You could tell that something was seriously wrong by three things.

Number 1 he stopped stopped smiling.

Steve was a smiler, when he was around you he was the biggest smiler anyone knew. He was just a happy guy. But one day when you got home he greeted you without smiling. He walked up to you barely saying two words and kissed your temple. You tried to playfully pull him back but he just kept walking.

Number 2 he didn’t fight with you.

“Steve,” you called only to be met with silence. You tried again. But the only thing you could here were echoes of memories of him responding to you. You made him a plate and waited surely he wouldn’t forget. He never forgot. Thursdays was when you and he switched off making dinner for each other. It’s something you started when your schedules got busy so you would always have a reason to come home early at least once a week.

You sat at the table, you watched the meal as it slowly grew colder and stopped steaming. You sat still as the sun slowly faded behind the trees until it was pitch black outside. You didn’t bother getting up to turn on the light so you sat in darkness. You waited while your hunger grew and then slowly subsided even with the lack of food. Your confusion turned to rage and rage to sadness. You didn’t realize how long you sat there until he walked in the door and you looked at the clock. 2 am. You watch the doorway waiting for him to walk through. After a minute he turned on the dinning room light to reveal you.

“What are you doing up?” He asks the concern in his voice was barely there.

“You forgot.”

“Forgot what?” He rubs his forehead with one head as if he’s got a headache.

“Yesterday was Thursday,” was all you said not moving from you spot.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry I got caught up at work.” He explains and you would’ve believed him but the way he looks at you with pity stops you.

“I’m going to bed.” You get up and walk past him. He steps aside letting you through, he didn’t even try to fight. He used to care when something was bothering you and would fight with you until you at least admitted it.

Number 3 he forgot to say I love you.

It was 8 am and he was running late. He was in a rush around the kitchen he was working around you trying to grab everything before he was really late. He kept purposely not touching you. He looked distant and when he ran out the door he didn’t give you a second look. You waited a few seconds hoping he would turn around and come rushing back in, to give you a kiss and tell you that he loves you. But he didn’t. That was when you knew.

You sat on the couch holding a pair of panties that weren’t yours. You found them in the laundry and you knew they weren’t yours because you found them in his pants pocket. You didn’t know how to feel, you weren’t sure what you were feeling. Should you feel angry? Sad? Betrayed? You weren’t sure until Steve walked in and saw you sitting there.

“What do you have there?” He asks. You whip your head around and glare at him.

“What the fuck does it look like?” You ask through gritted teeth.

“They’re a pair of your panties.”

You stand holding the panties in front of you shaking with rage.

“These are not mine!” You yell. You stop yourself from yelling more.

He stands there wide eyed. You threw the underwear at him and stood there waiting for him to fight with you, because if he did at least you would know he cared.

You chuckle and he raises an eyebrow at you. “Do you remember when you loved me?”

“I still do.” He says.

“Really?” You laugh for a second. “Because it doesn’t seem like it!”

“Of course I love you! Do you think I would still be here if I didn’t?” He was finally yelling at you.

“It doesn’t seem like you want to be here Steve! You didn’t even tell me that you loved me when you left this morning. You just walked out of the house without acknowledging me.” You were panting trying to keep yourself from crying. “You don’t touch me any more. You sleep so far away from me at night I could fit worlds between us.”

“Of course I want to be here. I’m trying to figure stuff out is all.” He steps closer to you.

“You keep saying that.” You grit.

“Saying what?”

“‘Of course I want to’, ‘of course I love you’.” You mock him. “As if you have done anything in the past week to show me otherwise. As if I’m not sitting here night after night wondering what happened. Wondering why you no longer love me. Wondering why you are hurting me this way. I can’t take this anymore Steve. Love me or leave me pick one.”

“I cheated on you.” He blurts.

“What?” You breathe. You knew, you had hoped that by some act of god you had misread the signs. That, that pair of underwear was actually yours and you forgot about them.

“It was last Thursday,” you want him to stop but he continues. “I was stressed and she was there saying all the right things and then she started rubbing my shoulders and I should’ve stopped her right then and there but I didn’t. And then the next thing I know-”

“Stop.” Your voice was slightly louder than normal. “Thursday?”

“(Y/N).”

“Did she know you were engaged?”

“Do you-”

“Did. She. Know?” You ask again.

“Yes.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You run your hands through your hair.

“I’m sorry.” He says looking at the ground.

“You missed our tradition, because you were out fucking someone else?” Your eyes were daring him to answer but he didn’t take the bait. He looks back up at you with tears in your eyes.

That’s when your world falls apart. You no longer have the strength or the energy to fight to keep your head up. The world around you is no longer clear and you can barely see. You feel like he has ripped out your heart and left you for dead.

“(Y/N),” when he says your name it disgusts you, you can taste bile coming up.

“Don’t, don’t (Y/N) right now, I don’t want to hear it.” You stood there for a second staring at the man you once thought would never hurt you. “How many times?”

He didn’t answer, he only barely lifts his head to look at you.

“Was it more than once?” You ask not really wanting to know the answer.

“Yes.”

“How long has it been going on?” You take a step towards him and he gives you a look. A look that used to work on you when he wanted to be forgiven. “Steve.”

“A few months.” He says.

That was when you walked over to the table and grabbed your purse.

“I’ll be back later to grab my things.” You say not daring to look at him again. He gently grabbed your arm stopping you from walking out the door.

“Please don’t leave me.” He said his voice shaky and barely above a whisper.

You know if you respond in anyway you’ll stay so you just yank your arm out of his grasp and walk out the door without looking back.


	6. Snow Days

Steve had never really enjoyed snow. Most people assumed it was because of what happened on the train but that was only part of it. Mostly he just hated how it was cold and when it melted he would get wet. He hated that snow would inevitably turn to slush.

So when it started snowing outside Steve was less than thrilled. He stood on the porch debating going for that morning jog or not. He decided against it and he walked back inside to make himself so food. It was a few hours later when you came bounding down the stairs in your warmest coat, hat, and gloves.

“Are you coming?” You pause briefly looking at Steve.

He scrunches up his face in disgust. “I’d rather stay inside than deal with this snow.”

“It’s not even bad snow! What the hell is wrong with you?” You walk over to him.

“I just don’t like snow,” he shrugs.

“Alright buzzkill, well I’m gonna go outside.” And you did. You went out and played in the snow, it wasn’t long until you were joined by everyone but Steve, hell even Bucky joined you.

Steve watched you and everyone else play and frolic in the snow, and for the first time ever Steve wanted to go out and play in the snow with everyone. He blamed that on you. He could see you laughing and enjoying yourself. He debated for a while whether or not he should join you.

But when he ad finally decided, everyone was coming in.

“Oh capsicle,” Tony said. “You missed it. Bucky here surprised us all and dominated that snowball fight.”

“How is that a surprise?” You yell at Tony. “He’s got a fucking metal arm!”

“Well I didn’t expect it to be robotic!” Tony says and everyone turns to him.

“Stark,” Steve says calming, “that is the single dumbest thing you have ever said. Of course it’s robotic. It’s his arm.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tony storms off.

The rest of the group followed him upstairs leaving you and Steve in the kitchen alone.

“You looked like you were having fun,” Steve smiles.

“I was.” You walk over to him. “If I recall it almost looked like you wanted to join us.”

“Well I didn’t, I still hate snow.”

“Bullshit Rogers,” you say walking away from him.

Later that night you were standing outside just taking in the beauty and the quiet. The night was the best time to be in the snow. Everything was quiet and it didn’t seem quite so late because it still looked light outside. Because of the quiet you could hear someone walk up next to you.

“So why is this so great?”

“I like the quiet,” you whisper.

“So-”

“Shhhh, the quiet,” you shush him.

So he stands there with you for a minute. He was starting to think that he should just go inside until he saw it. The beauty. The enjoyment and wonder that filled your eyes. How much joy was behind your smile.

“C’mon,” you grab his hand, “I want to show you the actual best part of snowdays.”

You lead him inside and made hot chocolate then you sat with him cuddled under a blanket and watched a movie.

“So maybe snow isn’t so bad,” he admits.

“Told ya.”


	7. Best of Women

Steve was always leaving. He would get up in the morning and try to sneak out for a mission without waking you. But you would always wake up.

“Where are you going?” You would ask.

“I have a mission,” he’d sit on the bed next to you. “But I’ll be home soon.”

“Promise?” Your voice would still be a little horse and he would just kiss your temple.

“I promise.”

“Good because I can’t sleep when you’re not here,” you whisper.

“Well then I will hurry back because we all know how you get when you don’t get sleep,” he teases you kissing you once more before he runs off to save the world yet again.

That’s how that conversation would usually go.

So when you woke up one morning to find Steve sitting in the chair in the corner of the room you didn’t pay much attention to the notepad he held in his hand.

“Steve?” Your voice makes him raise his head to look at you. “Is everything alright? Did you have another nightmare?”

“No, my love, I’m alright,” he whispers.

“Then come back to sleep,” you plead getting out of bed.

“I can’t I have an early mission.”

“It’s still dark outside,” you notice looking at the clock. “It’s 4am.”

“I know,” he says, “I just need to write something down.”

“Well hurry up and come back to bed,” you kiss his cheek.

“I can’t I leave at dawn,” he smiles.

“Well I’m gonna go back to sleep,” you try coaxing him one last time.

“Sweet dreams my love,” he says watching you lay your head back on your pillow.

You fell asleep easily after that, and barely even woke when he kissed your head.

“I’ll be back before you know I’m gone.”

When you actually woke up, you weren’t surprised by the lack of another body in your bed. You just got up and went about your day until it was about time to come home. They usually got home at 5pm on the dot on mission days unless Tony or Clint had convinced them all to go out and get food. So you didn’t think much of it when they didn’t come home right away.

“Miss Y/N?” FRIDAY’s voice echoed throughout the hallways.

“Yes?”

“Mr. Rogers told me to tell you that there was a note for you under the centerpiece of the table,” the A.I. informed you.

“That’s an odd place for it but thank you for letting me know.” You walk over to the table and grab the envelope.

You sit on the stool at the kitchen island and open up the letter.

My dearest, Y/N

If you are reading this letter it’s because FRIDAY told you where it was and it’s after 5. Before I start I just wanted to tell you that you are the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. I was supposed to write this letter ages ago. Actually Stark wanted me to make a video or something but I didn’t see a reason to talk to a camera. Besides I’ve always done better with pen and paper. I don’t know what made me write this letter this morning but I woke up and had a feeling that I would need it today, more like you would need it. Which is a morbid thought and I hope that I’m wrong but better safe than sorry right? I’m sorry, but Y/N if you’re reading this that means I will not be coming back from this mission. I want you to know that I tried, I did my very best and fought ‘til the end. I hope that in due time you will forgive me. I also don’t want you to live alone. Stay at the compound the team will need you as much as you’ll need them. I’m sorry that we left things so unfinished but don’t let that hold you back from moving on. Love again, I promise that falling in love after losing one will be just as good. Trust me I know.

I love you, best of wives and best of women.

Forever yours

Steve G. Rogers

P.S. Please look after Bucky

You heard the door open and you look towards the group of sorrow filled people walking in. They all look heartbroken Tony and Bucky more than the rest. They hadn’t made eye contact with you until the very last second, trying to figure out the best way to break the news, if there was one. But one look at you and they knew - knew that you already knew. The tears falling from your chin must have given it away.

“So it’s true?” You croak.

Tony nods and you fall off the stool. Bucky catches you first being the fastest. You grasp on to him for dear life and he lifts you and helps you back to your room. You could feel the rest of the teams stare on you, but you didn’t care.

Bucky helped you get out of your clothes and into bed. He turned off the light and left the room to let you sleep. You lay there crying into your pillow to muffle the sounds of your sobs. After hours when you no longer have any tears left you roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling. When it started feeling like the walls were closing in around you, you got out of bed and left the room.

You wandered around the hallways until you made it to Bucky’s door. You knock and a disheveled Bucky answers the door. His face is red and he has dried tears down his cheeks.

“Is everything ok?” He asks trying to seem like he was ready for whatever problem you could possibly have.

“Can I come in?” Was all you ask.

He opens the door wider and steps aside and you walk inside. You stand in the middle of his room until he sits down on his bed and pats the spot next to him. You sit and just stare off into space. The two of you sat in silence. Somehow you remember everything that happened that morning even though you were mostly asleep.

“He didn’t promise,” you say breaking the silence.

“Promise what?”

“When he leaves in the morning usually he would say ‘I’ll be home soon’ and I would say ‘Promise?’ And he would say ‘Promise’,” you told him. “But this morning all he said was ‘I’ll be back before you know I’m gone’ and I wasn’t awake enough to make him promise.”

Bucky places his hand on your knee knowing where you were about to take this but his words weren’t fast enough to stop you.

“This was my fault.”

“No Y/N it wasn’t you can’t blame yourself for this,” he says. “This was nobody’s fault, it was an accident no one killed him he just was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And now we have to learn how to live with a gap in our hearts, and over time that gap will get smaller and smaller until it’s just something that comes up from time to time.”

He lays down on his bed and you lay next to him.

“I don’t-” you try to speak but there’s a lump in your throat that makes it impossibly hard.

“What?” He looks at you and you turn your head to look at him.

“I don’t remember how to sleep alone,” you whimper.

“You can stay here,” he offers, “for as long as you need.”


	8. Slow Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have the power of speed and have joined the Avengers. Then after a mission, you and Steve have a fight. (This takes place in between TWS and AOU)

Your back was pressed up against the wall, this mission was going the way they normally go but you had made a mistake. You take a deep breath and turn the corner to make your way back to the quinjet.

Between the jet and you stood a man with his gun pointed at you. The sound of the gunshot filled your ears and before you could react a metal object was in front of you blocking the bullet. Out of the corner of your eye, Steve was there for a second before taking off towards the assailant.

Once the two of you made it back to the quinjet you debated whether or not talking to Steve was a good idea, but when he huffed and sat down in the seat next to yours you decided against it. The entire jet ride home was awkward, it was just you two on the jet.

The jet landed and before you could get off Steve placed his arm in front of you. You look at him but he wasn’t looking at you, he was staring straight in front of him.

“Don’t make me regret saving you,” he grumbles.

“I can promise you will within a few hours, but that won’t be my fault,” you say using a finger to move his arm out of the way.

The two of you had never really gotten along, so you kept your distance from him. No reason to be grumpy all the time because someone doesn’t like you. It was probably because he knew Bucky was alive but he couldn’t find him as much as he and Sam tried but that was no reason to be a dick. Then again he didn’t know you knew about his manhunt.

But after that mission he was everywhere you turned. Hanging out with Wanda when you were looking for her, in the kitchen any time you found yourself hungry, and he was in the gym during your normal work out time. He’d never done this before. He worked out in the morning but you liked to do it at night, so why the sudden change?

It took you about a week to get really fed up with him being everywhere, so when you walked into the gym and there he was punching away at a bag you didn’t even notice his back muscles glistening from his sweat.

Instead, you marched up to him and pulled his shoulder back so he was facing you.

“What the hell is your problem?” He asked.

“I could ask you the same question, I show up here and you instantly hate me, I do my best to stay out of your way then all of a sudden you’re everywhere!” You yell at him.

“I wouldn’t have to be if I could trust you not to get yourself killed,” he smirks.

“IT WAS ONE TIME!” You bellow. “And you and I both know I would’ve been fine! So why even waste your time in saving me?”

“So you think me saving your ass is a waste of time?” He asks oddly calmly and inching towards you.

“Well y-y-yeah,” you stutter for some unknown reason before regaining your confidence. “Especially since I’m faster than you are.”

“Oh,” he had backed you up against a wall. “So you’re telling me that you aren’t even slightly grateful that I saved you.”

“I never said that,” you say not breaking eye contact with him.

“Well maybe you should be more clear with what you mean,” he said leaning in just a little more.

You hadn’t realized how close the two of you were until you felt his breath on your lips. You felt your heart stop just for a second as you finally notice the fact that he’s not wearing a shirt. He smirks at you again and you admit that, just at this exact moment, he was turning you on. All you really wanted to do was run out of there and catch your breath but Steve was blocking your way.

“Get out of my way!” You say through gritted teeth.

“Make me,” he says somehow getting closer to you.

When you hear the door open Steve steps away just enough for you to zoom past him and over to the treadmills just as Sam walks through the doors.

“Hey Steve,” he calls and is taken aback by the look Steve is giving him. “Woah is everything ok?”

Steve looks back to where you were just a second ago and scoffs.

“Yeah everything’s fine, what did you need?” His voice softens for his friend.

“There’s something you should see,” Sam said pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

“Alright let’s go,” Steve says walking out of the gym.

“See ya later speedy!” Sam calls to you and you wave back to him.

/

Something was wrong you couldn’t tell what but you knew that you had to get out. You weren’t sure where you where or what was going on, but you could see Steve and the sight of Steve filled you with a feeling that you didn’t normally have while looking at Steve. Warmth.

Steve was standing 100 feet in front of you staring past you.

“Steve!” You called out but he continued to stand there looking past you.

You started jogging towards him but he wasn’t getting closer to you.

“Steve!” You tried calling him again but still, nothing.

You pick up the pace but your powers didn’t seem to be working, it was agony running this slow like your feet were made of suction cups.

You sat up in your bed in a cold sweat and all your blankets were on the floor. You got up from your bed not caring that you weren’t wearing pants and walked straight up to Steve’s door. You started pounding.

The door swings open to reveal a concerned looking Steve, until he noticed it was you.

“What the hell do you want?” He demanded.

“I just-” you look at him and shake your head, “never mind.”

You start to walk away but Steve grabs your arm and spins you to face him again.

“Hey,” he says his voice significantly softer than it was before, “what’s wrong?”

“You know when you have a dream and you know it’s a dream but you can’t go back to sleep until you know for sure it was a dream?” You ask.

“Is everything ok?” He asks again.

“I just wanted to make sure you were still here,” you voice started cracking and you hadn’t realized that you had tears in your eyes until you couldn’t hold them back anymore.

Steve stood there staring at you while you continued to cry not sure what to do so he gingerly wrapped his arms around you, almost positive you would push him away. But to both of your surprise, you embraced him.

You squeeze him still afraid that all of this is a dream, and he’s not there and you holding on to nothing.

You open your eyes to see sunlight coming in the window.

Was all of that really just a dream? It felt so real. But why would I dream about that?

You walk down to the kitchen and Steve is there ignoring you again so it must have been a dream, but something inside of you was different.

Today, every time you looked at Steve your heart would race faster than it ever had before. So you did what you would do normally and avoided him every chance you got. And it was going great until you went into the garage and he was there in a tank top working on his motorcycle.

You stopped dead in your tracks, there he was covered in sweat and grease. Your heart full on stopped at the sight of him there. It was 30 seconds before you realized you were staring when you finally snapped out of your trance you tried to remember why you had come to the garage in the first place.

“Did you need something?” Steve asked.

He looked at you and was completely neutral, no snark or anger in his voice, just asking.

“I honestly don’t remember,” you say before you can think of a lie.

He chuckles and you bite your lip at the sight of his smile. He wipes his hands with a towel to get off the excess grease and walks over to you.

“Well then,” he puts his face right next to yours, “let’s give you a reason to come into the garage.”

Before you could ask what he has in mind, his lips meet yours. Instinctively you grab his shoulders and pull him as close to you as possible, his hands started at your waist but continued to travel up and down your torso throughout the kiss. He kissed you like no matter how long the kiss lasted it would never be enough time.

“Y/N,” Steve whispered breaking the kiss.

“Hmm?” You hummed.

“Wake up,” he said.

“What?” You ask.

“Wake up, your hogging the couch,” he said.

You open your eyes and Steve standing over you, while you lay on the couch.

“How long have I been out?” You ask sitting up.

“No clue but you drooled,” he said impulsively taking his thumb and wiping the corner of your mouth. “That was weird, I’m sorry.”

He rushed out of the room and you followed him ready to confront him. You had no idea what you were going to say but that’s when Sam came around the corner.

“Steve we gotta go,” was all Sam said.

“Go where?” Steve asked.

“Just come on and bring speedy too!” Sam ran off to the quinjet and you and Steve followed.

/

Steve sat across from you in the jet, he stared at you as you kept messing with your gear. He didn’t tease you about it because it was a thing you did before missions. He had been feeling weird since that last mission the two of you had been on when he saved you. He realized, as he watched the guy raise his gun to shoot you, that he didn’t want to live without you. He wasn’t sure how to tell you though, and after he got angry at you in the gym he wasn’t sure if he would ever get the chance. But last night when you came pounding on his door just to check on him he knew he had to tell you sooner rather than later.

While you cried in his arms last night you had fallen asleep against him and all he wanted to do was to take you back to his bed and just let you sleep in his arms, to be able to fall asleep with you in his arms knowing you were safe. But he carried you back to your room, put you in your bed and quietly closed the door behind him.

Sam was now telling you and Steve about what the three of you were doing here but Steve was more focused on the crease between your eyebrows when Sam talked.

Next thing he knew he was tailing you, or trying to, so he could watch your back. He saw something in the corner of his eye that made him stop dead in his tracks. He thought he’d seen Bucky, but he didn’t. Nor did he see the bullet that was coming right for him, he also didn’t see you sprinting to get in between him and the bullet.

Sam shoots down the assailant and looks to you and Steve. The back of your shirt was starting to soak through with blood as you looked into Steve’s eye.

“What did you do?” Steve said his voice full of concern making you smile.

“Don’t make me regret saving you,” you huff and collapse into his arms.

/

You open your eyes, part of you thought everything was a dream. But the pain in your back was telling you that it wasn’t a dream. Your second clue was the heart monitor beeping next to you. You open your eyes and see Steve sitting in the corner, head in his hand sleeping. You try to shift but that makes the pain worse and you whimper which wakes Steve up. The instant that he sees that you’re awake he jumps out of the chair. He stands next to the bed gently putting his arm above your head and rests it on the pillow.

“What do you need?” He asks you.

“Morphine,” you groan.

“I’ll see what I can do but the doctor said that you were maxed out on morphine,” he says. “But because of your powers, you’re healing faster than a normal human.”

“Good because I may have to save your ass again,” you smile.

“How about you never scare me like that again,” he says softly.

“Ok,” you whisper not having the energy to fight him.

He kisses your forehead and smiles at the sound of the monitor beeping erratically.

"I’m really tired,” you say trying not to think about how embarrassed you were.

“Ok, go to sleep I’ll be here when you wake up.”


	9. Church Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, Fluff, a character death

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“You’re supposed to be here now Steve,” you say into the phone.

“Yes, I’m aware but…”

“If you’re about to give me a sob story about some kitten in a tree I swear to god-”

“Ok but consider this,” he says pausing for just a moment, “a little girl no more than 3 came up and asked for my help. And that’s one of the things you keep saying you love about me. My big heart.”

You know he can’t see you but you give him your unimpressed face.

“I’m getting the face aren’t I?” He asks.

“Yup.”

“Ok I promise I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he says, “Besides it’ll give you a few minutes to finish because I know you haven’t yet.”

Before you could correct him he tells you that he loves you and hangs up the phone.

You set your phone down and stare at the papers in front of you, as much as you hated to admit it, he was right you hadn’t finished.

“What did he say?” Natasha asks walking into the room.

“That he’s saving a kitten in a tree because of a three-year-old,” you tell her.

“Ugh, what saint,” she groans.

“I know.”

“You still haven’t finished your vows?” She asks looking at your paper.

“I can’t figure out how to end them, ya know?” You look at her and she just looks confused. “Like really punctuate them.”

“Well you have a few extra minutes so I’m sure you’ll think of something,” she says standing, “I’m going to go check on the groomsmen, make sure they aren’t causing any trouble.”

“Who’s not dress yet?” You already know what the answer will be.

“Sam, and apparently he’s never tied a tie in his goddamn life,” she says making a dramatic exit.

You laugh and go back to staring at your vows. You pick up your phone and scroll through some of the photos that you have of you and Steve together hoping to find some inspiration. It wasn’t until you looked at a Facebook memory, you found it. You type out the first few drafts on your phone to make sure that the wording is just right. After you finally get it right you fold up the papers and slid them into your dress pocket.

You got up and looked at yourself again in the mirror. You absolutely loved your wedding dress, not only did it look good and make you feel like a princess, but it had pockets. You pace around the room, not nervous just excited to finally marry your best friend. You could hear the sound of the church bells signaling the start of a new hour. After about 10 minutes you start to wonder if Steve was here and just getting ready when you still didn’t hear anything after another 5 you call him. He doesn’t pick up but you tell yourself not to freak out just yet, maybe that kitten is giving him a hard time. After 30 minutes you started calling him more and more leaving him threatening voicemails. Then you stop.

What if he ran? What if he realized he was making a mistake and told everyone to stall you? But he wouldn’t go anywhere without one of his friends.

You open the door, pick up your skirt so you don’t trip and run towards the room that the groom was supposed to be in. You don’t bother knocking and burst right in.

“Whoa, Y/n,” Bucky says grabbing your shoulders.

“Where’s Sam?” You ask.

“I’m over here!” He calls and you turn to see him and Natasha in the corner Natasha tying his tie. “Why what’s wrong?”

“He’s still not here, and he won’t pick up his phone you don’t think he ran, do you?”

“Of course he didn’t run,” Bucky turns your head back to facing him, “and if he did I will personally kick his ass.”

“Why isn’t he picking up his phone?” You ask just as your phone starts to ring and Steve’s name lights up the screen. “Hello?”

Bucky watches as your face drops.

“Y/n, what is it?”

“It’s Steve,” you whisper, “He’s been in an accident.”

/

Bucky was speeding, trying his best not to be a reckless driver but that’s not what he was focused on. Bucky, Sam, Natasha, and you were all sitting in the car still dressed for a wedding. You were focused on breathing, slow deep breaths, he could still be ok. They said that he was in surgery, that meant that he was alive. It seemed like years before Bucky finally parked the car and the four of you ran into the hospital and up to the front desk.

“Steve Rogers,” you rush, “we’re here for Steve Rogers.”

“He’s still in surgery,” the desk attendant, “you can go ahead and wait and we’ll keep you updated.”

“Thank you,” you say and plop down into a chair.

You play with the skirt of your dress while you wait for the news.

/

“Hey sorry I’m late,” Steve came into the house and quickly kissed your forehead.

“Next time a text please, I almost called the police and every hospital within a 5-mile radius,” you try to guilt him just a little.

“Well as my fiancée I would’ve guessed that you already knew I am basically late to everything,” he smiles and squeezes your hand.

“And as my future husband, I would’ve guessed that you would know by now that when it comes to you my mind is always going to go to worst case scenario.”

“So,” he says placing his head on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around your waist, “What do you think of this one?”

You look around at the house.

“It’s beautiful,” you sigh.

“Good because I already made an offer,” he whispers and kisses your temple.

“Steve,” you sigh exacerbated.

He was always doing stupid shit like this, surprising you with something big. At least it was just an offer and he could’ve dropped out if you hadn’t liked it. But of course you did, he was almost never wrong when it came to what you liked, and even if he was after a while you grew to love it.

As would luck would have a few months later you were moving into that house and making it your home. During the moving process, Steve would try and sneak some ugly artwork onto the walls, pieces he swore you would grow to love but they were truly ugly.

/

“Y/n,” Bucky shook you and woke you from your nap, “The doctor wants to speak with you.”

You stood and walked over to the doctor, you look at her and she glances down at your wedding dress just for a second. If she hadn’t done that you would’ve forgotten you were wearing it.

“The surgery went well and he’s in recovery,” as she speaks you feel a weight fall off your shoulders.

You sigh in relief but it’s short lived as she continues to stand there and say nothing.

“What is it?” Your voice shakes.

“There we’ve been monitoring his brain function for a while and -”

“There’s nothing,” you say already seeing where this was going.

“I’m so sorry,” her apology confirms your worst fear.

“You need me to sign papers right? To take him off life support?” You gasp trying not to break down.

“Follow me,” she says.

You briefly look back at your group of friends, they stand to follow but you shake your head and they sit back down knowing that if they came you wouldn’t be able to do what you needed to.

She stops just outside a room and you take a second to sign all the papers you need to.

“You can go in a be with him,” she says and you look at her before walking into the room.

You stop at the sight of him looking all broken and battered with a tube in his mouth. He didn’t resemble the Steve you knew that much. You pull up a chair next to the bed and grab his hand. Someone walks in and slowly starts to remove his life support, he reaches for the tube.

“No!” Your cry stops him and the nurse looks at you.

“But -”

“Just,” you swallow the lump in your throat, “give me a minute.”

The nurse steps back and you gaze at the love of your life one last time.

“Steve,” you speak as if he can hear you, “don’t worry about Bucky, I’ll look after him I promise. And I’ve got Natasha and Sam, we’ll all look out for each other.”

“You ready?” The nurse asks and you look at him.

“Will I ever be?” you scoff lightly, “Go ahead.”

After the tube is removed it isn’t long before Steve’s heart stops completely and you led out of the room. Bucky is still waiting for you in the lobby, apparently, Sam and Natasha left to take care of everything at the church.

“C’mon,” he says reaching out and taking your hand, “let’s go.”

He drives and you look out the window not really registering what’s going on around you. When the car stops Bucky helps you out and you walk through a front door. The light is turned on and you look around at your house, the place that was once your and Steve’s home. With the couch that you two had fought over at the furniture store, the TV that you thought was just a tad too big for the wall it was on, and that stupid ass ugly painting that Steve had insisted go up.

“It doesn’t feel right,” you whisper, Bucky looks at you, “nothing does. Not this house, not the world, and my heart feels like at any moment it’s going to give up.”

Bucky wraps you up in his arms and stands there and rocks with you as you cry into his shoulder, “I know.”

/

You stood in front of the grave site. He was there, well not him but the vessel that used to be him. You fumbled with the paper that you had pulled out of your pocket.

“Um, I finished them,” you told him, “You were right I didn’t finish them until after you had hung up that day. God isn’t crazy that just a few days ago we were going to get married?”

You pause almost waiting for an answer that you would never hear.

“Um anyway, I thought I would read my vows to you since you never got the chance to hear them.”

You took a deep breath and with shaky hands open the papers.

Steve, I can’t believe I finally get to marry you, I have been looking forward to this day for so long and now that it’s finally here I can’t wait to live out the rest of my life with you. It’s your kindness, patience, and humor that made me fall in love with you; and your good looks didn’t hurt either. I don’t know how but with every day you keep getting better. I could promise to love you no matter what but there are going to be times when I won’t be able to keep that promise so instead, I’ll promise you this- I promise that no matter how bad the fight we have is I will always come back to you. I promise to always stand up for you. I promise that no matter what you will always have me in your corner, even if you’re not 100% right. I promise that I will limit the number of sweatshirts I steal from you and even if I don’t we live together so you can always steal them back. But most importantly I promise that even on the days it seems like you’ve lost my love you haven’t. My heart is yours, always.

You fold up the papers and stick them back into your pocket. You turn and see Bucky walking towards you.

“I have something for you, but I don’t know if you want to hear it now or later,” Bucky says and waits for you to answer.

“Now, I want it now,” you answer.

“Y/n, the love of my life, the fact that you said yes to marrying me will never cease to amaze me. You are the most caring and passionate person I have ever met, you’re incredibly smart and I would be lost without you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on and I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

As Bucky spoke his voice started to morph into Steve’s.

“I would promise to love you for every second of every day for the rest of our lives but you made me promise not to do that so here are my promises- I promise that I will always do everything in my power to keep as many promises as I can. I promise that when we fight I won’t say words just to hurt you. I promise that I will listen to every piece of gossip you give me and enjoy it. I promise that I will let you name the dogs because you think my choice of names could use work.”

You half-heartedly laugh at that one.

“I promise that you and I will always be a team. That you will always have someone to go on crazy dumb adventures with even if it’s in the middle of the night and all you want to do, is go get chocolate. I promise that you can steal as many sweatshirts as you want from me and that I will steal them back sometimes so they smell like me. I promise that for the rest of my life I will love you even when it seems like I don’t. I love you Y/n.”

In the distance, you could hear the church bells ringing signaling the end of an hour and the start of a new one.


End file.
